30cracks MelloxNear
by Elisabell-angel enraged
Summary: 30 Loosely connected humor/love stories centered around Mello and Near
1. Chapter 1

**Fandom: Death Note  
Title: What you transform into  
Author/Artist: Elisabellangel  
Theme(s): (include the # number and full theme) #1 Transform (change over)  
Pairing/Characters: MelloxNear.  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer/claimer (if needed): I do not own Death Note or it's characters... And I'm not making any money off of this...  
Summary (if needed): Why do you play with transformers? Do you secretly wish you could be like them?**

**A/N: for those who don't know. This was made for the 30Cracks challenge in which you write thirty crack stories on a certain couple... obviously mine is MelloxNear or else I wouldn't be posting it here.**

Mello watched Near as he positioned small toy robots around a tower of legos. Something about this pissed him off, like how everything about Near pissed him off. Maybe it was because, in the blonde's mind, the kid wasn't doing it right. That was not how you played with robots. Normal kids would maybe smash them into each other, or even have pretend fights.

"Hey," Mello called out to the kid, "you're not doing it right."

As expected, Near didn't turn to look at him, and most likely his expression hadn't changed. "Not doing what right?" He asked, the smallest hint of confusion in his voice.

"Playing, with those." The blonde gave a small gesture to the transformers, even though he knew that Near didn't see him do it. "You're just moving them around, that's not playing with them."

"Oh," Near said, giving one of the transformers a long stare. "Thank you for your imput, I may try that."

Mello gave the kid's back a glare, the kid had almost sounded sarcastic in his own annoying and emotionless way. "Why do you play with those things anyway?... Do you secretly want to be a transformer or something?" He chuckled under his breath at how stupid that sounded. Near would probably come up with the most sarcastic and irritating responce for that stupid question, so the chocolate addict immediatly regretted asking.

"Sometimes, I wish I could transform into something else... So I guess the answer would be yes." Mello was completely blown away that Near had answered his question seriously, as if it actually mattered to the albino.

It took Mello a few minuits to get his thoughts back together. This whole situation in itself was odd, and it had started out the same way it always had, with Mello simply 'stalking', as Matt called it, the albino boy... And somehow, they were actually having a conversation that didn't proceed to Mello shouting or puching the kid. "If you could change into anything or anyone, what would it be?" This gave Mello more time to investigate the kid, so he'd only be expected to ask questions like this.

For the first time in the conversation, Near hesitated to answer automatically. He actually had to think about his answer for a minuit before saying it. "I'd turn into Matt."

The chocolate addict's jaw dropped. Why in hell did Near want to turn into Mello's best friend. "Why?" He asked, understandably confused.

Near refused to answer that question, possibly on grounds that it would incriminate him. So Mello being Mello naturally the reason was that Near wanted to watch Mello and take advantage of his weakness so he could continue being number one. "If I got to transform into anyone," Mello said smirking, "I'd want to be you. Then I could completely destroy your wonderfull reputation and maybe even embarrass you in a way that you could never live down." Awful ideas were flying through Mello's head just at the prospect of doing that.

"Mello can already transform," Near remarked, sounding somewhat annoyed with Mello's answer.

"Oh, yeah?" Mello didn't know where the kid was getting at, "into what?"

"You can freely change from being a male and a female whenever you want," Near remarked.

The furious shouting match had already begun, and Mello couldn't have been more pissed about it.


	2. Messing around

Fandom: Death Note

Title: Messing around

Author: Elisabellangel

Beta reader: ithexamimi

Theme: #2 Toys (imitation)

Pairings: MelloxNear

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, and never will... One dream down the hole...

Summary: Mello finds out all the pointless things Near does in his spare time.

That incessant scratching was really getting on Mello's nerves. He had no idea why this bothered him so much, for there were plenty of other noises to annoy him, but this one was just particularily infuriating. The blonde could only assume it bothered him because it was Near that was causing it. Since the kid's back was to him, he couldn't see exactly what he was doing, only that it involved a nail file.

Giving up, Mello sat up. He shut the text book louder than what was necessary, throwing his papers to the side. "Near," he began his voice twitching with obvious annoyance, "shut up."

"I didn't say anything," the albino responded cooly without even turning to face the blonde.

"You don't have to say anything to be horribly annoying," Mello fired back. He'd only been in this room for about five minutes, and he was already getting pissed. The kid's general prescence was annoying.

"Well, no one said you had to stay in here." Near said shrugging lightly, it was obvious that he didn't understand why Mello hung around him so much if the blonde suppossedly hated him.

"No way, you can't be left unwatched." Mello said angrily, "if I take my eye off you for a second, you're going to find some way to cheat your way to the top, again."

"So you're paranoid..." Near stated, still doing whatever it was that was pissing Mello off so much.

Eventually the blonde just got fed up with the noise and stood up, walking over to the kid, and jerking the nail file out of his hands. "What the hell is that?" He asked irratibly as he pointed to Near's half-closed hand which held a small object.

"It's a fingerpuppet," the albino held it up for Mello to examine, but not touch.

Mello could've laughed but was much too stunned to consider that. "Is that, me?" He asked looking at the puppet with obvious disdain.

"Of course, who else would it be?" Obviously Near expected him to realize that it was him.

"It looks nothing like me," the blonde remarked casually. He could care less if this upset the kid.

Near narrowed his eyes, "I don't see anyone else who looks remotely like Mello."

Mello shrugged, not sure whether that should be taken as a compliment or an insult. "It looks more like Chucky..."

"Chucky?" Mello hadn't expected Near to know what he was talking about so this question was expected.

"It's an evil killing doll thing," Mello vaguely explained.

Near looked from the puppet to Mello and back again. "Is that a horror movie?"

"No, it's a kid's movie," The blonde rolled his eyes at Near's stupid question.

The albino had nothing else to say to that, and simply refocused on the puppet. Of course the kid couldn't do any more work without the file, which meant that he'd have to pay attention to Mello, or risk never getting it back. "Hey," Mello waited until he'd gotten the kid's full attention before finishing that thought. "Do you have any more of these?"

"Of course, I have several." Near responded, "one for me, one for you, one for Roger, one for Linda, and one for Matt."

The blonde couldn't help but smirk at this. "So what do you do with them, act out weird fantasies or something?"

"Fantasies, what do you have in mind?" Near had narrowed his eyes in distaste once again, and Mello was growing to like that expression.

"Cut the crap," Mello snapped, "I know you like me. Do you act out scenes from Romeo and Juliet or something?" He had to stop himself from laughing, but he couldn't hold back a wider smirk.

Near didn't bother denying he liked Mello, because he knew that Mello wouldn't believe him anyway. "Wow, that sounds romantic. You drink some poison and I stab myself, lovely." He made sure to put as much sarcasm into his words as possible.

"You just can't appreciate literature, that's all." Mello huffed, "if you're a genius as they say you are, then you should love Shakespear."

"I can like Shakespear without liking Romeo and Juliet," Near stated in that god-awful monotone.

The blonde rolled his eyes, "Jesus Christ is there no end to how annoying you are?"

"Is there no end to how annoying you can be?" Near retorted, emotionlessly.

"If I'm so annoying, why do you like me?" Mello said acting more than slightly boastfull, wanting some flattery.

"I have no idea, actually." The albino shrugged.

"I hate you," the blonde muttered, throwing the nail file back at the kid.

"I know you do," the kid said with a weird half smile on his face. He'd never seen that expression on the kid's face before, and was temporarily stunned. Near got up, and walked towards the door. "I'll leave so you won't have to put up with the noise anymore."

With that, the kid had gone. Mello went back to work, but couldn't help but feel that it was far to quiet.


	3. Indirect

Fandom: Death Note

Title: Indirect  
Author: Elisabell_angel

Theme: 3. Ice Cream (~seducing you)

Pairings/characters: MelloxNear

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not won Death Note or ice cream.....

The children of Wammy's house never went on feild trips. They appeared to be a group of well behaved intelligent children, but truth be told they could owe their lack of feild trips to their behavior. Behaving outside of the school enviroment always seemed to be the problem for the students. Intelligent almost to a fault, they just couldn't function well in normal society.

In fact, Roger had just stopped feild trips all together, but Watari had insisted on at least one trip a year.

"Roger sucks at picking trips!" Mello had almost made himself hoarse complaining, and he was no where near finished yet. "The park of all things..... Who goes to the park anymore? This is 2005.... No fair...." He wasn't talking to anyone in particular, more like complaining just for the sake of doing so. Matt had long since abandoned him, tired of hearing Mello's incessant whining.

"It's to hot," he whined as he took a bite out of a melting chocolate bar. In slight worry, he hastily rewrapped the bar, and shoved it back into his pocket. Just what he needed, melting chocolate. Summer sucked, Roger sucked, the park sucked, everything sucked, and he was running low on chocolate.

He glanced around for a minute, spotting an ice cream truck a yard away. He wasted no time in sprinting there as fast as possible, pushing small children out of the way as he made his way to the front of the line. Several of the children he had plowed over were crying for their moms, but Mello simply ignored the little brats. It was their own fault for not moving fast enough.

"Fudgesickle," was the only thing he requested of the aghast ice cream seller. He wasted no time in holding out the money, which he had 'found' in the orphanage.

The seller seemed to consider not letting Mello have one, but seemed to give in because of the money.

Seconds later, Mello was happily walking through the tree laced area with his cold ice cream. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

Then, he had to see Near.

Near was just sitting in that annoying way he always sat on a bench by himself. He simply stared at the concrete under him, looking like he wanted the whole experience to be over.

Just seeing that brat made him annoyed. Why? Because he was acting like he was too good to play with the other kids.... At least that's what Mello assumed.

He decided to mess around with Near, just because he looked like he didn't want to be messed around with.

He walked closer to Near, until he was only about a foot away. After taking a lick from the ice cream he said, "hey." Once Near had looked up, he decided to continue, "stop acting like that."

"Acting like what?" Near simply looked at him with those blank eyes, that and nothing else. It was dissapointing.

"Like you're better than everyone else..." Mello frowned, hoping he could 'controll' some of his temper... "Go play or something..." Just the thought of Near playing would be something to scoff at.

"I don't play... Besides... It's too hot." Near looked back towards the ground, and it became obvious why. It was the sun. It hurt his eyes.

Mello could've laughed, finding it funny that Near was weak to the sun. He thought for a second if he could take advantage of that and use it for his own enjoyment. "Hot, huh?" He held out the ice cream bar, "want some?" He knew that Near would probably deny having any, and Mello would have fun teasing him about it. He knew that Near wouldn't want to have any because it would be like an indirect kiss or something gay like that.

Near didn't follow through. He merely nodded, and leaned forward. He licked the bar quickly, but Mello couldn't help but notice that it was the same part of the bar he'd just been eating. He was simply dumbfounded.

There was a small silence, and Near stared at him for a second.

"That stuff is nasty."


End file.
